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Missing Naps & Car Keys While Always Running Late
The day my child was born, I noticed he looked vaguely like a turtle. He had a round little face on a poky little neck. That resemblance was later reflected in his approach to punctuality. Through the...
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How To Lose Your Mind In 16 Days
“Oh school routine, oh school routine, my sanity enhances,” I have never been so freaking excited to fill a backpack in my entire life. I love extra time with my growing son, but I have carefully and...
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Motherhood: It All Comes Out In The Wash
Laundry day is that awkward transition point between “I have absolutely nothing to wear” and “Where the heck am I supposed to put all this stuff?” It’s the one day of the week… month… year that hot...
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Why I’m Thankful For Vomit
Being a mom is an awful lot like being a house mother at a frat house, I imagine. Your charges sleep a lot, they watch mindless television and they throw up in the most random locations. My child is in...
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My Child, Expert Curator Of Embarrassment
As consumers of technology we are used to having information curated for us based on our preferences and browsing history. This ensures the most relevant products and articles are made available. My...
View ArticleShe Lies To Me: A Parenting Anthem
Sometimes I think about what the soundtrack of my parenting. I admit that some days it would be that 54-40 hit, She Lies To Me. I always swore that I would never lie to my children. My parents lied to...
View ArticleTerrorist Negotiations And Spaghetti Squash
Not negotiating with terrorists seemed reasonable until I went and had a baby. As an infant, my son would hold hostage my bedtime. His witching hour was around 2 am, which gave me the illusion of a...
View ArticleMom For Hire: My Mommy Resume
I have been working for the same organization for the last ten years, so I haven’t spent a lot of time creating resumes. I wondered aloud about what I would put on my mommy resume to showcase the many...
View ArticleWhere’s My Mother Of The Year Award?
It’s award show season and I’m just a teeny bit fed up of the red carpet. Maybe I’m just jealous because mine is only red in splotches from fruit punch. Maybe I’m waiting on my Mother of the Year...
View ArticleHoarders: The Pediatric Edition
It is a scientific fact that you can tell your child 500 times to clean his room and he will not hear you, but he will definitely hear the crinkle of a bag of potato chips opened surreptitiously after...
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Grocery Shopping Alone: How Parenting Has Changed Me
The evidence was staring me right in the face. Parenting has changed me. It’s not just that I can’t respond to a question with “Everything is awesome” without getting that stupid song stuck in my head....
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Why My Kid Is My Life Coach
Some people go to great lengths to find a life coach: someone who really understands and can help focus them to achieve their goals. I feel like I’m at a crossroad in my life and I was thinking I could...
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Made From Scratch Vs. Out Of The Box
I think all kids are a bit weird about food. Mine was particularly weird about food the other day. He asked me where black toast comes from. I told him that’s what happens when you burn breakfast. It...
View ArticleNo Girls Allowed
“No girls allowed.” That’s what the sign said, propped up against the opening of my son’s makeshift fort. He was curled up in there with his Chromebook, a lamp and a bowl of snacks. He was in his “boy...
View ArticleBeing A Single Mom & Picking Up The Pieces
A fresh set of eyes can be helpful in solving problems. What eyes are fresher than those of a child? My child is a very inspiring problem solver. He sees solutions that I would never even dream of...
View ArticleComplimentary Kindness: Why My Kid Is A Thank You Machine
Motherhood can feel like a thankless job. You incubate this thing and it makes your belly giant, gives you heartburn and makes you barf all over the place. If you are really lucky, you get to spend ten...
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The Importance Of Reading, Writing And Arithmetics
While I am a fan of the arts and sports, I believe in the basics and have tried to instill a love of them into my son. Reading, writing and arithmetic are things I live for in a geeky way and I wanted...
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Why I’m Not Trying To Get My Pre-Baby Body Back
“You know those things where you squish them and they are gushy and the stuff squeezes out through the other side of your hand? It feels like that!” my son said gleefully. What on earth was he talking...
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The Apple Doesn’t Fall Far From The Tree
I was told my child was sarcastic and difficult on a particularly tired day at daycare. It didn’t take a lot of insight to realize where that came from, just a long, hard look in the mirror. Of course,...
View ArticleAre We There Yet? Raising a Hell-Raiser
“Are we there yet?” It’s the single most dreaded question on a summer road trip. You hear it 500 million times until your head is ready to explode. Of course we aren’t there yet, tiny human ball of...
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